the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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