I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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