Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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