Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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