i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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