i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize