need another drink. this is the easiest way
my vag is so smooth its legendary
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
