gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
