haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
