i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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