Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
