the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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