how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
