he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
