There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
