You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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