You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
