i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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