He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
