i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
