ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
