I am puke
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
