there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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