dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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