Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She announced her abortion via fbk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
