yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
