My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
