So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
