girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
