Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
