I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
