I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
