Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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