i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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