I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
