I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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