I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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