Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
