He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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