please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
