Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
two words: eviction party
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
