If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
