There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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