Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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