Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My ass is underappreciated
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
