just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize