For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
