After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
