i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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