i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
