Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
