I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
