My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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