Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
