My first STD was from a foam party
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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