He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
