roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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