My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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