It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
