based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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