The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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