Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
