Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
