Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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