Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
