he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
