I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
