And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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