At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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