You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
