In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
