proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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