Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
