did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
