The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
